I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
