Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
