All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
