Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
