Where did you get a picture of my penis
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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