Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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