I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize