i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
