she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
