i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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