The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
