o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
