im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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