i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
