Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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