i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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