i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
