the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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