I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize