Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
