Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
