i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
tell me about the fingering
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
