I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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