is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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