dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
3 2 1 whiskey
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
