They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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