Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
