My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
