chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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