Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
