im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
