If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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