No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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