I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
