No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
