She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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