I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
