She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
