Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
