Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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