You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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