Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
