she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Randomize
