dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
