So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
