i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
