I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
