even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize