we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
