did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize