My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
