all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
