she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
