Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
