i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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