Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
