I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
