I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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