you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
