God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
