Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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