all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize