i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
