Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
