Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
