best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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