I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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