it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
