I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize