I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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