This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
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No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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