You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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