i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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