it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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