if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
